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At times, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles feels he is “the most exceptional individual alive”. Living with narcissistic personality disorder, his grandiose moments frequently escalate into “really delusional”, he states. You feel invincible and you’re like, ‘The world will recognize that I’m better than them … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

For Spring, these times of heightened ego are often coming after a “emotional downturn”, where he feels sensitive and embarrassed about his actions, rendering him especially susceptible to disapproval from others. He began to think he might have this personality condition after looking up his traits through digital sources – and subsequently diagnosed by a professional. Yet, he questions he would have taken the label without having independently formed that conclusion on his own. “If you try to tell somebody that they have this disorder, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he notes – particularly if they harbor a sense of being better. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they’ve built up. And in that mindset, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Understanding NPD

Though people have been called narcissists for more than a century, definitions vary what people refer to as the term. People frequently term everybody a narcissist,” explains a psychology professor, adding the word is “used more than it should be” – but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, he notes many people keep it private, due to significant negative perception linked to the illness. An individual diagnosed will tend to have “an inflated view of oneself”, “difficulty understanding others’ feelings”, and “a pattern of manipulating others to enhance their social status through behaviors including displaying material goods,” the expert says. Those with NPD may be “extremely narcissistic”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

I’ve never cared about anyone really, so relationships weren’t a priority relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in NPD Presentation

Though a significant majority of people identified as having the condition are males, studies indicates this number does not mean there are less female narcissism, but that female narcissism is typically appears in the covert form, which is often overlooked. “Men’s narcissism tends to be somewhat tolerated, just kind of like everything in society,” says an individual who discusses her co-occurring conditions on digital platforms. It’s fairly common, the two disorders co-occur.

Individual Challenges

“I really struggle with handling criticism and being turned down,” she shares, whenever it’s suggested that the issue lies with me, I tend to switch to defence mode or I completely shut down.” Even with this response – which is known as “self-esteem damage”, she has been trying to overcome it and take advice from her close relationships, as she strives not to return into the harmful behaviour of her previous life. My past relationships were toxic to my partners as a teenager,” she admits. Via therapeutic interventions, she has been able to reduce her narcissistic traits, and she notes she and her partner “maintain an agreement where I’ve instructed him, ‘Should I make a harmful comment, when I use toxic language, call it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

She grew up mostly in the care of her father and notes she didn’t have positive role models as a child. “I’ve been learning continuously the difference between suitable or harmful to say during a fight because I never had that in my formative years,” she comments. There were no boundaries when my relatives were criticizing me in my early years.”

Underlying Factors of NPD

Conditions like NPD tend to be associated with childhood challenges. Heredity is a factor,” notes a mental health specialist. But, when someone shows signs of narcissism, it is often “tied to that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “a coping mechanism in some ways to cope in formative years”, he adds, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was based on meeting certain expectations. They then “continue to use those identical strategies as adults”.

Similar to other of the individuals with NPD, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The adult explains when he was a child, “everything was all about them and their work and their social life. So it was like, keep your distance.” When their attention turned to him, it came in the form of “intense expectations to achieve good grades and professional advancement, he says, which made him feel that if he didn’t achieve their goals, he wasn’t “good enough”.

When he became an adult, none of his relationships lasted. Emotional investment was lacking about anyone really,” he states. Therefore, I never treated relationships seriously.” He believed he wasn’t loving someone, until he met his long-term relationship of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, in a comparable situation, struggles with feelings. She is “really understanding of the thoughts that occur in my head”, he notes – it was surprisingly, she who first suspected he might have NPD.

Seeking Help

After a visit to his general practitioner, he was directed to a clinical psychologist for an evaluation and was given the NPD label. He has been recommended for psychological counseling on the public health system (a long period of therapy is the primary approach that has been proven effective NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the waiting list for an extended period: The estimate was it is expected around maybe February or March next year.”

John has only told a handful of people about his NPD diagnosis, because “prejudice is common that all narcissists are abusers”, but, personally, he has embraced the diagnosis. The awareness assists me to understand myself better, which is positive,” he says. Those interviewed have accepted their narcissism and are pursuing treatment for it – hence being willing to talk about it – which is possibly not the norm of all people with the diagnosis. But the existence of NPD content creators and the expansion of virtual networks point to {more narcissists|a growing number